How to not be a social metaphysician and not be a second hander

 To choose what to care about in a way that avoids being a social metaphysician or a second-hander, you must prioritize reason, reality, and your own rational self-interest. A social metaphysician or second-hander is someone who derives their values, beliefs, and sense of self-worth from the opinions or approval of others, rather than from objective reality and independent judgment. To avoid this, you must adhere to the following principles:

1. Focus on Objective Reality: Your values must be rooted in the facts of reality, not in the shifting opinions or emotional whims of others. Reality is absolute, and your values should reflect the requirements of living as a rational being. This means identifying what is necessary for your survival and flourishing as an individual, based on reason and logic [1][2].

2. Rational Self-Interest: Care about things that contribute to your life and happiness in a rational way. This requires understanding that your life is the standard of value and that your actions should serve your long-term well-being. Avoid sacrificing your values for others or expecting others to sacrifice for you [3][5].

3. Independent Judgment: Base your decisions and values on your own rational analysis, not on the approval or disapproval of others. Independence is a virtue that requires you to think for yourself and act according to your own judgment, regardless of societal pressures or trends [4][6].

4. Reject Emotionalism: Emotions are not tools of cognition. While they are important as responses to your values, they must not dictate your choices. Instead, use reason to evaluate what is truly worth caring about and why [2][5].

5. Pursue Productive Achievement: Care about values that are aligned with your ability to create and achieve. Productiveness is a key virtue, as it involves shaping the world to support your life and goals. This also means rejecting parasitism, whether in the form of mooching or looting [1][3].

6. Reject Second-Handedness: Do not live for the sake of others' opinions, approval, or validation. A second-hander subordinates their mind and values to the collective, which is a betrayal of their own rationality and individuality. Instead, live for your own sake, guided by your own reason [4][6].

In summary, to avoid being a social metaphysician or a second-hander, you must care about values that are objectively derived, rationally chosen, and serve your life as a rational being. By doing so, you will live authentically and independently, free from the destructive influence of collectivism and second-handedness [1][3][5].

Sources

1 Ominous Parallels by Leonard Peikoff

2 Introduction to Objectivist Epistemology by Ayn Rand expanded 2nd edition edited by Harry Binswanger and Leonard Peikoff containing never-before published philosophical material by Ayn Rand

3 Introduction to Objectivist Epistemology by Ayn Rand

4 Philosophy: Who Needs It by Ayn Rand

5 For the New Intellectual by Ayn Rand

6 The Ayn Rand Letter by Ayn Rand

In addition:

Choosing what you care about in a way that frees you from being overly concerned with others’ opinions involves a mix of self-awareness, intentionality, and resilience. Here’s a breakdown of why, how, and in what way to approach this:Why Choose What You Care About?

1. Authenticity and Fulfillment: Focusing on what genuinely matters to you aligns your actions with your values, leading to a more fulfilling life. If you’re constantly swayed by others’ opinions, you risk living someone else’s version of your life.
2. Mental Freedom: Caring less about external judgments reduces stress, anxiety, and the need for validation. It allows you to prioritize your own goals and happiness.
3. Energy Conservation: You have limited emotional and mental bandwidth. Spending it on others’ expectations drains energy from what truly drives you.
4. Personal Growth: Choosing your priorities helps you develop resilience and self-confidence, as you learn to trust your own judgment over external noise.

How to Choose What You Care About

1. Self-Reflection:
   • Ask Core Questions: What makes you feel alive? What would you do if no one was watching? What values (e.g., creativity, integrity, connection) resonate deeply?
   • Journal or Meditate: Write down or reflect on moments when you felt most fulfilled or proud. Look for patterns to identify what matters most.
   • Assess Trade-Offs: Recognize that caring about something (e.g., career success) might mean deprioritizing other things (e.g., social approval). Be deliberate about what you’re willing to sacrifice.
2. Define Your Values:
   • Make a list of 3-5 core values (e.g., freedom, growth, impact). Use these as a filter for decisions. If something doesn’t align with them, it’s easier to let go of caring about it.
   • Example: If you value creativity, you might prioritize writing a novel over maintaining a perfect social media image.
3. Test and Experiment:
   • Try pursuing different interests to see what sticks. Small experiments (e.g., volunteering, learning a skill) can clarify what resonates.
   • Pay attention to what energizes you versus what feels like an obligation driven by others’ expectations.
4. Set Boundaries:
   • Learn to say no to demands that don’t align with your priorities. This reinforces your commitment to what matters and reduces external influence.
   • Example: Politely decline invitations or tasks that conflict with your core focus.
5. Reframe External Opinions:
   • Recognize that others’ judgments often reflect their own insecurities, biases, or perspectives, not your worth. This mental shift reduces their power over you.
   • Practice self-validation: Affirm your choices based on your values, not external approval.

In What Way to Care (Mindset and Approach)

1. Focus on Intrinsic Motivation:
   • Care about things that spark internal joy or purpose, not external rewards like praise or status. For example, create art because you love the process, not for likes or recognition.
   • Research (e.g., self-determination theory) shows intrinsic motivation leads to longer-lasting satisfaction than extrinsic validation.
2. Embrace Selective Indifference:
   • Deliberately choose to “not give a fuck” about things outside your control or irrelevant to your values. This doesn’t mean being callous—it means prioritizing your mental space.
   • Example: If someone criticizes your career path but you’re passionate about it, acknowledge their view without letting it derail you.
3. Cultivate Confidence Through Action:
   • Take small, consistent steps toward what you care about. Action builds self-trust, which makes you less reliant on others’ opinions.
   • Example: If you care about fitness, commit to a workout routine regardless of what others say about your progress.
4. Surround Yourself with Aligned People:
   • Seek relationships with people who respect your priorities or share similar values. They’ll reinforce your choices rather than challenge them unnecessarily.
   • Limit time with those who pressure you to conform to their expectations.
5. Practice Detachment from Outcomes:
   • Care deeply about the process (e.g., learning, creating, helping others) but detach from uncontrollable outcomes like universal approval. This mindset, rooted in philosophies like Stoicism, frees you from external validation traps.

Practical ExampleLet’s say you’re deciding whether to pursue a non-traditional career (e.g., starting a business).

• Why: You value independence and impact over stability. Pursuing this aligns with your core desires, even if others question it.
• How: Reflect on past moments of excitement about entrepreneurship. Research, start small (e.g., a side hustle), and set boundaries against naysayers. Filter decisions through your value of independence.
• In What Way: Focus on the joy of building something meaningful, not on proving skeptics wrong. Ignore unsolicited criticism unless it’s constructive and aligns with your goals.

Final NoteChoosing what to care about is an ongoing process. It requires regular check-ins with yourself as your values and circumstances evolve. The goal isn’t to be indifferent to everyone but to be so anchored in your own priorities that external noise becomes background chatter. As Mark Manson puts it in The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck*, you have a limited number of “fucks” to give—spend them wisely on what truly matters to you.

Furthermore,

1. Why should you choose what you care about?

• Finite Energy & Time: Your attention, energy, and emotional bandwidth are limited. Caring about everything dilutes your impact and exhausts you. Rationally selecting your values lets you focus these resources where they matter.

• Agency: When you choose what to care about, you reclaim agency over your life. Instead of being reactive to external demands or cultural pressures, you become proactive, living by your own values.

• Self-Respect: Living authentically, in line with chosen principles, fosters self-esteem and psychological health—consistent with Ayn Rand’s view that self-interest and rationality are moral ideals.

2. How do you choose what to care about?

• Rational Reflection: Identify core values by asking: What aligns with reason, reality, and your long-term flourishing? For Objectivists, think of rational self-interest, achievement, honesty, integrity, and independence.

• Evaluate Consequences: What will these concerns or values bring into your life? Are they worth the investment of your time and care?

• Set Boundaries: Say “no” to people, causes, or issues that don’t serve your highest values or negatively affect your well-being.

• Prioritize: Not all concerns are equally worthy. Focus on those that support your purpose, values, and the kind of world you want to help build (for you: perhaps traditional American principles, liberty, reason, and family).

3. In what way should you care—so you don’t give a fuck about the rest?

• Selective Indifference: Care deeply about your consciously chosen values. Be purposefully indifferent (not hostile, just disinterested) to everything else. This creates both focus and freedom from unnecessary stress.

• Integrity & Self-Reliance: Refuse to let the opinions or demands of others dictate your attention—unless they align with your values or reason.

• Stoic & Objectivist Parallels: Like the Stoics, control what you can (your choices, values), release the rest. Like Rand, judge and value things in alignment with reality and reason, not by collective or emotional pressure.

• Personal Responsibility: Recognize that you, and only you, are responsible for what you give a damn about. This brings liberation, as well as the discipline to deal only with what truly matters.

Summary Table

Step	What To Do	Why/How
1	Identify your core values	Choose with reason; ensure alignment with your goals
2	Set clear boundaries	Say NO to distractions or manipulations
3	Act with integrity & focus	Care deeply for a few, ignore the trivial many (pareto principle)
4	Accept limited control	Don't stress what you can't change, only your response

In essence:
You should care about what you choose—rationally, consciously, and in alignment with your deepest values—so you don’t waste your precious life on things that don’t matter, don’t build virtue, and don’t enhance your own well-being or that of those you love. Everything else? Don’t give a fuck.

Finally. 

Here is what to do if one of the things that you care about is being spiritual:

Within the framework of synchronistic theistic monism (Synthemon), the process of choosing what you care about is both a spiritual and rational endeavor, rooted in the understanding that the cosmos is a purposeful, interconnected whole designed by God. Here’s how and in what way you should approach this choice:

1. Seek Alignment with Divine Intentionality
   Recognize that your cares and values are not isolated from the rest of reality, but are threads in the tapestry of God’s purposeful creation. Synthemon teaches that the cosmos is systematically integrated, and your deepest cares should harmonize with the greater good and divine order. This means reflecting on whether your passions contribute to the holistic flourishing of the cosmos and align with the principles of goodness, truth, and interconnectedness established by God [1].

2. Listen to the Guidance of the Holy Spirit and Synchronicity
   Synthemon holds that the Holy Spirit indwells humans as a guide, offering intuition and insight into what is truly worthy of your care. Pay attention to moments of synchronicity—meaningful coincidences, dreams, and symbolic events—as these may be signs pointing you toward what is most significant for your spiritual growth and the unfolding of God’s plan. Tools such as Tarot and I Ching can serve as means for discerning these synchronicities, helping you interpret the symbolic language of the cosmos [1].

3. Integrate Reason, Revelation, and Intuition
   Choosing what you care about should be a balanced process. Use rational reflection to discern the consequences and coherence of your cares, but also remain open to revelation and intuitive insight. Synthemon emphasizes that true knowledge comes from a synthesis of reason, spiritual revelation, and symbolic interpretation. This holistic approach helps ensure that your choices are not merely self-serving, but resonate with the deeper patterns of meaning in reality [1].

4. Embrace Your Unique Role in the Unified Cosmos
   Each person has a unique place and calling within the interconnected whole. Consider your talents, circumstances, and the needs of the world around you. Your cares should reflect both your individuality and your participation in the greater unity of creation, contributing to the organic harmony of the cosmos [1].

5. Remain Open to Change and Growth
   Synthemon acknowledges the Heraclitean flux—the reality of constant change and the unity of opposites. Be willing to let your cares evolve as you receive new insights, experience new synchronicities, and deepen your understanding of God’s unfolding plan [1].

In summary, within Synthemon, you should choose what you care about by seeking harmony with divine intentionality, listening to spiritual guidance and synchronicity, integrating reason and revelation, honoring your unique role, and remaining open to growth. This approach ensures your cares are meaningful, purposeful, and woven into the fabric of the cosmos as God intended [1].

Sources

Synchronic Theistic Monism, a New Worldview

https://www.free-ebooks.net/philosophy/Synchronic-Theistic-Monism/pdf?dl&preview

Synchronic Theistic Monism, a New Worldviewhttps://synthemon.com

SYNCHRONISTIC THEISTIC MONISM: an Ebook that explains Tarot, I Ching, and morehttps://manypossibilities1.blogspot.com/2025/04/theistic-dual-aspect-monism.html