Ethical dilemma: hiding one's values to not offend someone else

 Context: her husband wants her to take down their Trump Flag for Thanksgiving because one of their relatives is a liberaI/leftist, but she doesn’t want to. So, should one hide one's values and preferences to not offend some other, such as a relative or friend?

Let’s break it down to understand the moral and ethical issues involved.

What are the moral/ethical issues?

The central ethical question is whether one should prioritize expressing their values (keeping the Trump flag up) or prioritize maintaining harmony during a family gathering (taking the flag down to avoid offending a relative). This is a potential right vs. right dilemma since both actions—standing by one's principles and fostering familial peace—are morally defensible but contradictory.

Key Questions to Gather More Information:

What does the flag represent to the wife? Is it primarily about political values, personal identity, or something else?

Why does the husband prioritize the relative’s feelings? Is it to avoid conflict, ensure a peaceful holiday, or out of respect for the relative’s views?

How does the relative typically react to opposing political expressions? Is the relative easily offended, or would they potentially engage in a constructive discussion?

Is the relative aware of the household’s political stance? If yes, would the flag’s presence be a surprise or something they already anticipate?

Are there other ways to resolve this? Could the flag be displayed in a less prominent location or discussed openly beforehand?

Identifying Fallacies or False Assumptions:

False Dichotomy: Is it truly a binary choice between offending the relative and taking down the flag? Could there be a middle ground, such as a private conversation with the relative to explain the significance of the flag?

Assumption of Offense: Could it be assumed too quickly that the relative will be offended, or might they simply tolerate or ignore the flag?

Fallacy of Overgeneralization: Is the husband assuming all "Liberals" would react negatively to such a flag, even though individuals vary greatly in their responses?

Determining the Actors:

The Wife: The primary actor who wishes to express her values.

The Husband: A secondary actor who values family harmony.

The Relative: Affected by the decision but not necessarily the one making it.

The Broader Family: Potentially impacted by any ensuing conflict or tension.

Testing for Right vs. Wrong Issues:

Violation of Law: No laws are being broken by displaying or removing the flag.

Departure from Truth: If the flag represents deeply held values, removing it might feel like suppressing the truth for the wife.

Deviation from Moral Rectitude: Neither action (keeping or removing the flag) is inherently immoral.

Using ethical tests:

Stench Test: Does taking down the flag feel like a betrayal of the wife’s values?

Front-Page Test: Would either choice cause embarrassment if made public?

Mom Test: What would a wise and compassionate figure (like a mother) advise in this situation?

Analyzing the Dilemma Paradigms:

This issue aligns with several moral paradigms:

Truth vs. Loyalty: The wife’s truth (expressing her values) conflicts with loyalty to family harmony.

Self vs. Community: The wife’s self-expression may clash with the community’s (family’s) peace.

Justice vs. Mercy: The wife’s sense of justice (standing firm in her beliefs) contrasts with showing mercy to the relative’s potential discomfort.

Applying Resolution Principles:

Ends-Based Principle: Which action leads to the best overall outcome for all involved? Taking down the flag might avoid conflict, but keeping it might encourage open dialogue.

Utilitarian Principle: What maximizes happiness and minimizes harm? This depends on whether family harmony or self-expression brings greater long-term satisfaction.

Golden Rule Principle: Would the wife appreciate the relative hiding their values to avoid offending her? This might guide her decision.

Care/Compassion Principle: Compassion for the family’s collective peace may suggest taking the flag down, while compassion for herself might suggest keeping it up.

Exploring Compromises:

Could the flag be displayed in a less prominent area, balancing expression with discretion?

Could the family have an open conversation about respecting differing values before the gathering?

Philosophical and Ethical Perspectives:

Ayn Rand/Objectivism: Rand might argue for standing firm in one’s values, as compromising them to appease others could be seen as self-sacrifice.

Kantian Duty: Kant would likely emphasize consistency and universality—if the wife believes everyone should freely express their values, she might keep the flag.

Christianity: The New Testament might advocate for peace and love, suggesting prioritizing family harmony over personal expression.

Buddhism: Buddhism might suggest detachment from the ego and prioritizing the well-being of all parties involved.

Pragmatism: Pragmatism would focus on the practical outcomes—what action ensures a peaceful Thanksgiving celebration?

Hierarchy of Values:

Self-expression and authenticity.

Family harmony and peace.

Respect for differing beliefs.

Avoiding unnecessary conflict.

In conclusion, the decision hinges on weighing the importance of self-expression against the value of family harmony. A middle-ground solution or open communication might offer the best path forward. 

Sources

1 How Good People Make Tough Choices by Rushworth M. Kidder

2 Critical Thinking by Brooke Noel Moore and Richard Parker